Thankful, blessed, heartbroken

On Friday, the news of the horrific events in Newtown rocked me to the core.  I think as a parent it was completely devastating and terrifying but just as a human being, it was just one of the worst things you could flip on the news to see happening.  I watched and cried and watched and cried some more and thought and held my babies so tight it probably scared them.  I just couldn't believe what I was seeing.  Why?  A question that every little kid in America is asking their Mommies, Daddies, and teachers, and I'm asking the same question.  I don't know that we'll ever have an answer but I know this is something that will affect all of us for a long, long time, if not forever.

I woke up on Saturday hoping that this was all a bad dream.  If that's how I felt, how did the families who lost their own children feel??? I couldn't even scratch the surface.  As the media uncovers more and more details, I watch less and less.  But that doesn't mean I'll forget.  I just cannot bear to see those families who lost innocent little babies.  I say babies because that's what they were.  Six and seven years old is not even a fraction of the amount of time those children should have lived.  I can't bear to see the faces of those children.  My stomach twists just thinking about it.  I feel angry, heart sick, and lost.  And again,  that doesn't even compare to what the families of those lost are feeling.

I know there were also adults who died tragically, and I keep referencing the children.  I am in no way trying to lessen the grief that the families of the teachers and principal are experiencing as well.  It's all senseless and awful.  It's just a different kind of sad when children die.  It's just not supposed to be . . .

I have so many thoughts, so many fears, so many prayers.   My daily struggles, anxieties, and stresses pale in comparison.  At the VERY least, I definitely have some perspective now, just a few instances that pop into my head:  On Friday right before I got home to see the news, I was having a really rough day with Sofia.  It was the culmination of a few weeks of constant defiance from her, and I had hit my breaking point with her.  When I got home to see the news I immediately grabbed her and hugged her and cried.  'I am blessed to have her right here in my arms', I thought, and I apologized to her for yelling at her.  As an innocent child does, she immediately forgave me and was a perfect angel the rest of the evening.  Another instance: Gabe has been waking up at night again, causing some annoyance and sleep disturbance for Mike and I.  Now, I have to remind myself "I am blessed to have my little baby at arm's reach to be able to comfort him back to sleep."  Yet another: Sofia was sick yesterday, with a stomach bug and super high fever.  I relished in her needing cuddles all the while thinking "There is nothing worse than having a sick child." I thought again.  There is something worse; much, much worse.   And lastly:  I find myself feeling sorry for myself that our house in Milwaukee hasn't sold and we're still living with my parents.  Then I remember the parents who are waking up every day in their own homes with an empty bed that will never be filled.  I have my husband, extended family and my two beautiful children whom I will never ever take for granted, and I thank God for that, all the while realizing that tomorrow is not promised.  I will love my family with every ounce, every day.  I will pray, and I will lean on God.

While I wish there was something I could do to erase what happened, there is not.  I don't have answers, just questions.  I don't even have enough words to express my feelings.  All I have are prayers.  I pray that I never know what it feels like to outlive a child, and I pray for those families who have. It's times like these I'm thankful to be able to rely on my faith b/c without it what else is there in a time like this?  I hope and pray those families and the town of Newtown can do the same. . . what a trying time.  May God's love and peace envelop them and the rest of the world.  

Haircut!

Gabe finally got his first real haircut.  I guess part of me was a little tired of people calling him "her".  I mean, it really didn't bother me that people thought he was a girl, but it just gets a little awkward always correcting people.  They get all weird, and then I feel bad, but whatever. . . his hair was starting to look like an a-symmetrical bob, while at the same time having some wispy mullet action in the back.  Don't ask, I should have taken "before" pics of all angles of his head, but it's clear in most pictures how out of control the side growth got!  And it was like a beard, always getting food particles and whatnot stuck in there.  You get the idea.  It was time.

So, I looked up a kids cuts place and there was one nearby.  No reservations so I decided to just head on over when the kids got up from naps.  Luckily we got there in time to beat the mad rush and only had to wait a few minutes.  In those few minutes I got super annoyed (I don't do well in crazy large crowds or in huge groups of uncontrolled children, haha).  By the time we got Gabe in the chair, he wasn't having it either.  It was supposed to be this fun "first" experience, but it was complete chaos that I tried to capture with a few good photos. (Sofia was with us, so I had to bring along some 'sit still' bribery = an iPad and a lollipop).

But the after affect is complete adorable-ness.  He looks so different!  I feel like we took away his trademark!  But, it will grow.  I just doubt Mike will let it grow that long ;)

Mom, is this really happening?!  HELP! (Look how funny the hairstylist thinks it is)

 Oh my gosh, no, not the back....

 AHHHHHHHKK, NOOOOOO

 Really, mom?  More pictures?  (Again, the hairstylist finds this all hilarious.  She was not the least bit stressed about having sharp pointed scissors near a herky jerky 8 month old head.)

 Finally, a distraction

 Is this almost over?!?!

Enough.

OK, I think I kinda like it.  

Christmas Festivities

This past weekend was full of Christmas fun!  It started out on Thursday afternoon when we had nothing to do and my mom called from work saying that Santa was right outside their store for the afternoon/evening.  So, of course we went!  Even though we already had our official Santa photo, we figured we could gladly meet more than one :)  So, we went over and much to our surprise there was a whole tree lighting event going on at Rice Village so we made a fun evening of it!  It was complete with several Santas (see below), fake snow, a train, lots of music, and treats!

Waiting for Santa with a free cookie 

And a chat with Mrs. Claus 

 Random Santa we caught leaving his shift :)

 Live reindeer

 Cowboy Santa

 Saturday night was a Houston tradition that has grown tremendously - Lights In the Heights.  I remember going when I was very young and we decided to give it a try with our friends who live in the Heighs, Jamie and Fred.  It was a BLAST for all of us!  We started out at dinner at a VERY family friendly place (kids everywhere!) and then walked over the the festivities and stayed much longer than we had planned.  Sofia had the time of her life.  She danced and danced until her pants almost fell off (literally).  The pictures don't do justice to how much fun she had.  I'm hoping Jamie can send me her video b/c I accidentally deleted the one I have!  Shoot!  And Gabe was a champ.  He got pretty fussy at his bedtime but then powered through and took in the sights and sounds.

This is one cool event - it's in one of the most historic parts of Houston and all the houses have beautiful lights and many of the houses host bands, choirs and DJs on their front porch!  Sofia definitely had the most fun at the DJ house, where she and lots of other kids danced and caught glow necklaces and mardi gras beads!  Too funny . . . 

Clearly the stroller was necessary, but good thing we brought the cooler of seasonal brews!

Her magic wand from Fred

 A choir on a front porch

 Her "prince" Fred

 DAncin the night away

To round out the weekend, we were invited by our friend (Clutch) who was doing an appearance at a private holiday party.  He got several extra invites and asked us to join him and his kids.  We had NO idea what we were in for.  It's a private party hosted at the ranch of a big Houston lawyer.  He invites about 7,000 of his closest friends and somehow we were lucky enough to attend too!  It was unreal.  Catering by Ninfa's and The County Line barbecue, churros, hot cider, chocolate, funnel cakes and all other kinds of delicious treats for the taking, a full carnival, bounce houses (about 10!), Santa, elves everywhere, a train, a petting zoo, a carousel... I could go on.  To top off the day was a concert with Faith Hill and Tim McGraw!  Are you kidding me?!  It was amazing.  I felt so lucky to be there and that Sofia and Gabe could experience such a party!  I don't know what Neverland was like, but I imagine it was something like this party.  Incredible.

 Check out Gabe's teeth.  He was excited too!

 Big girl riding the kiddie rides all by herself!

Playing together

Can you tell I'm on a blogging rampage today?  Sofia's in school this morning and Gabe is playing happlily in his jumper. I had to put him in there b/c he is (army) crawling ALL over the place and I needed a little break :)

Check out the sheer joy on his face as he jumps.

Then check out this infectious giggle.

OK, back to my point.  This past weekend Sofia actually wanted to play with Gabe.  Most days she ignores him, or snatches toys from him (but is getting much better about sharing!).  She protests at holding his hand during grace b/c "he's slobbery".  But every now and then she'll do something so sweet that reminds us she really does love him.  Sometimes, she'll even go up to him, unprompted with a toy to share.  And she's loving fetching his toys that he throws down from the high chair.  In the mornings she's usually pretty excited to see him. .  "Gabe is awake!" Very sweet.  He, on the other hand, 100% ADORES her.  He is always watching her and cracking up, or just gazing adoringly at her.  but, this weekend, she wanted Gabe to get in her 'space ship' with her.  It didn't last long, but it was super cute and I can't wait until they can really play together!  Well, I can, actually . . .

On a total random note about Sofia, this past week she's been super clingy.  She follows me all over the house, and always wants someone in the room with her now.  And she won't go into dark rooms b/c she is scared.  She also is getting upset when I drop her off places like at school, church, or gym. . . she has NEVER had this problem before and the only explanation I can come up with is that she's just more aware now and more in touch with her feelings.  I hope it passes soon because it hurts my heart to leave her upset.  But, I always go back and check and within a minute, she's fine and playing again.  I just don't get it!  Always keeping us on our toes, these children!

Trouble

It's official, Gabe is on the move.  He rarely sits still these days.  How has this phase already begun?  Has it seriously already been 7 1/2 months??

I remember wishing Sofia would hurry up and crawl.  She didn't until 10 months, and I even worried a little, comparing her to other babies her age.  Funny, how with him I thought I'd have a little longer with Gabe.  I hoped, any way.  Wishful thinking!

Here he is already getting into things he shouldn't be.

Santa

This past Sunday we took Gabe and Sofia to visit Santa.  We thought since it was early in the month and 85 degrees outside, there wouldn't be too much of a crowd.  Well, I think Mike and I tend to forget that we live in HOUSTON now.  Things are always crazy here!  But, it was well worth it.  I'm glad I asked for recommendations for where to go b/c Bass Pro Shops would have never come to mind!  It was really cool, they had an entire wing of their store dedicated to Santa's workshop complete with crafts, activities, movies, treats, and elves!  I stood in line with Gabe while Sofia and Mike played around the workshop for about an hour.  Once we got up to Santa, Sofia was a little bit tentative but so excited and she walked right up, said Hi and got on his lap.  Gabe had a similar reaction as Sofia's first time meeting Santa.  He just STARED in awe.  Then, he grabbed his beard.  Hard.  Gabe might be getting coal in his stocking for that one. It was definitely fun and I love the picture we got.  Mike was a little disappointed that they aren't both smiling but that's the beauty of Santa pictures.  They are rarely perfect which is what makes them so charming!  

Shyly approaching

Sofia waiting for her little brother

Gabe going in for the kill. . .